I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
