The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
sex in a hospital.. check
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
