they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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