The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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