Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
