Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
