He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
