i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
