You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
