I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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