You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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