I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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