i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
