I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also, beer. Big fan.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
we're so committed to being not committed
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