Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize