Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
