i permit you to call me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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