I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
