I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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