i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How's work?
Spinning.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
