yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
