I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's just like the Real World with babies
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
MIDGETS
????
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
