Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
