you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
