1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
