I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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