This is not my ceiling
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
