Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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