If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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