Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
