I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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