I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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