Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
