i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
