I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
