hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Terrible idea I love it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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