the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
