Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
