Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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