so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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