You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
