you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
