Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
