My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
