My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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