Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
