dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
