Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
