I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
