in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
