Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
