mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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