the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
