PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
