Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
