Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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