My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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