he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
