or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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