mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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