Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
