Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize