I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
