i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
