If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize