i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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