Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just want nice things and good sex
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
