So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
